Because it's All Soul's Day

I have a fear on death. One of my own (apparently called Tanathophobia). I dreamt about my death a lot of times. In my dreams I was being buried and I could even feel myself rotting. Horrible. And then I fear losing people through death as well. When my father died last year, the concept of death became more real. People know for sure that there is no way to escape death, but few people really have a clear grasp of it. Today's celebration of All Soul's Day is fitting. I have reasons to be sentimental.

"Death is the only destination we all share." - Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs once said, "Death is the only destination we all share." How true. And unless one has a close encounter with death, one can never really relate to how it really is. No words can comfort a broken heart. No flowers can replace the empty void left by that person. And even if they say time heals all wounds, it does not (at least for me). It could be that I am just impatient, as always.

When I think about it, there is more to death that I fear. It is a web of my insecurities, my vulnerabilities: the fear of being left behind, fear of being lost somewhere, fear of uncertainty, fear of being forgotten.

I can go on about my premature questions on heaven, hell and the in betweens, or even my thoughts on where our ultimate destination would be after this short stint on earth. But since I developed a relationship with Christ, I felt somehow that all of these are philosophical let alone insignificant. All I know now is that, since I accepted Christ in my life and has convicted myself to be with Him, I have never felt alone. When I lost Papa, it was Him who sustained me and my family. And even though I still fear dying, I strive to live a life that is pleasing to Him, so that I can join Him in the after life. Strive is the operative word. Pakahirap naman talaga kasing panindigan ang desisyong mabuhay para kay Kristo. Tall order. Extra challenge.

To talk about life as we commemorate the dead might be ironic. But it is in death that I have felt the urge to live my life fully according to how He wills it to be. By being reminded that my stay here is timed, (no matter how scary it is) I am challenged to seize every moment righteously. And in times that I fail to do so, I pray that I get to wake up another day to make amends.

Life and death offers so much of lessons despite the dichotomies. In the end, I hope to still have the best both worlds can offer.

Allow me to share this song from Jeremy Camp titled "There will be a day." May this inspire us to live life to fullest (despite of...) so we can look forward to the life that awaits after.

 

"There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears

There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face

But until that day, we'll hold on to You always." - Jeremy Camp

 

PS. I hope we took the time today to say a short prayer for the souls of our deceased loved ones. :)

True to my core.

I am not myself lately.

As if moving to this side of the world has clipped my otherwise straightforward tongue, and cut my free spirited self.

Instead of expanding my territory, the world has become very small.

Fact remains. This is not my home. This is not the place where I belong.

Temporary. This is temporary. I will not succumb to death of the sprit. I will rise up and dare to remain true to my core.

#sohelpmegod

More than Forever

Allow me to recount my past love only this time. Not out of bitterness, but as a testimony of how God loved me.

I have been told six years ago, by the person whom I called my great love then that I am not worth a marriage. He didn't love me enough to make it to forever. My 21 year old self was shattered. Eventually, I found out that Forever, to that boy, is his ex-girlfriend. And he loved me less than forever.

Back then, I was still re-establishing my relationship with the Creator. I have been crying out loud to Him always of the pains and the injustice my love life has given me to the point of questioning Him of His plans for me. Despite my being stubborn,  He has never failed to sustain me. He made me whole again.

When I learned to surrender, I prayed for Him to give me a man after His heart in His perfect timing. I prayed for a guy to love me more than forever as I prayed to be the woman worth that love. I prayed for healing too and of course the grace to forgive myself and the boy who broke my heart.

Today, I am God's testimony of His faithfulness. In a year's time, I will marry the man He has prepared for me. Amazing. I am overwhelmed with the mixed of emotions I am feeling all at the same time. One year to go and I will be a Mrs. The wait may seem long, but I am taking the remaining days of being single, to preparing myself for the new role God has entrusted me. Thank You Lord for my more than Forever. You rock.

 

When Tets met Simplicity

One fine evening, I came across a sister's blog. It is about her journey to live simply. I felt right then and there that it was the answer to one of the many questions I have in mind. And so, like her, I decided to embrace the challenge. Not that I am even living a lavish lifestyle. Probably because there is too much that I wanted to do and wanted to become (all at the same time). I reckon that breaking down my desires into what truly matters will make the difference.

I am excited to learn again. Thanks Sis. Leslie for the resources. I know that I can always be better that what I am now. I know too that I am  not even close to knowing the full concept of this new journey. And so the studying begins.

Let me share though my first guidelines (source: Ruth Soukop and her Project Simplify). You think it's easy? Think again. I don't even make my bed daily! Yeah, shamefully.

Here's to becoming simple and better! To a new Me.

So help me God.
 

Crossroads

Time flew so fast and I have already spent a year in Qatar. Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness. Hindi biro ang maging isang OFW. All the while, I thought I would never be homesick, but I was wrong. There even came a point that I just wanted to leave everything and go back to my home, my family, my life.

But then, I read Papol's letter, the one he gave me when he put a ring on . And it reminded me of how I prayed for this so badly. Si God talaga, sobra maglambing. And so last 28 June 2013, because I prayed for Him to expand my territory, I arrived in Qatar, and I am never the same. Sabi nga, be careful what you wish for.

 

 

Doha is such a blessing and this page will not be enough to recount all them. But the most important of them is learning to be financially responsible. Mahirap pala talaga kumita ng pera at lalong mas mahirap kung malayo ka sa mahal mo sa buhay.

 

And then this.

 

However comfortable life seemed to be since I chose to move here comes the trade offs. Nothing comes for free.  And the list for this will go on.

 

So here I am, engaged, 30 years old, on top of my career, making something of myself-yet missing the old self, vaguely knowing what's next for me.

 

Which path to take? Follow the heart or let the mind rule? Now what Tets? :(