When I heard the news about my lola's death, I was dumbfounded. I stopped myself from making a scene at the office by crying at my desk. I have not cried a good cry even as I write this. Not that I needed to cry out loud, but I needed to cry one good cry to let it all out.
I witnessed the deterioration of her health. I guess I was even blessed that I was able to spend two nights looking after her at the hospital last December. It was during those nights that I got to know my lola more. From her episodes I learned that she worked at a cinema, loved John Lo so much, and is very vain-- kahit nasa hospital at naka oxygen. I also witnessed how assertive she is. Aba kahit mahina na at may nararamdaman, nanenermon parin si lola that time. I spent my 28th birthday with her at the hospital. Every night then that I was with her, I would pray that she still wakes up the next day.
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| My sister and I during my 28th birthday celebration spent with lola at the hospital. |
Like what I said in the Eulogy, my memories with lola are few but sweet.
- When I was around 4 or 5, I remembered that she reprimanded my mom in front of me, because my mother had me eat sili as a punishment. My mother heard me say a bad word, which I copied from the neighbor. And so when my lola saw how red and thick my lips were, my mother never heard the end of it.
- My lola cooks the best champorado. Every night, before dinner, I would watch her do her ritual before cooking rice. She has this bilao, and she will separate the small rocks from the grains. Eventually, she allowed to help me her with that.
- We used to sing for her during her birthday celebration. We have a girl group in the family composed of myself, my sister, and my 2 cousins. Perfect na namin ang Yesterday's Dream and Dadainin ko Na lang sa Kanta by the 14K, isama mo pa ang Kapag Tumibok ang Puso.
- Lola was a fan. She watched me in my concert, recitals, and even singing competitions. She was there when I was crying my heart out because I was soo embarrassed to lose from a major competition. She wasn't expressive but her presence was comforting.
- When we moved to Laguna, we would visit her from time to time. Wala pang five minutes, sasabihin na niya, sino kasama mo paguwi? Naku, umuwi na kayo at malayo pa bahay niyo. She does that to Mama too.
- When I started working, she would receive my birthday and Christmas gift for her with a shy smile, and simple, "ayyy thank you!"
I am not done mourning I guess. Pano pa kaya yung mga anak ni lola? I wonder how my mom is doing. She seemed okay but I'm sure like me, there's a lot of things going on her head.
I realized that amidst the sorrow that our family was facing then, I was still busy. I was not completely 100% there at the wake. My mind was too preoccupied struggling to think about my papa who was at the hospital at the time of the wake, the medicines I needed to take, the work I left at the office.
Sorry lola.
I learned a lot from this experience though. As cliche as it may sound, we have to really express our love to the people special to us. We do not have enough time really to let them know how much we love them. From my Tita Grace, the one who unconditionally took care of my lola, I learned the act of giving back to our mothers. Grabe and hirap ni tita sa pag aalaga kay lola. Family, should always come first. Always. At katulad ng speech ko sa Eulogy nya, sana, the tradition does not stop even after lola's gone. Somehow, I resolved to keep it going, kasama ang mga kakuntsamba kong Titas at mga pinsan.
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Last Monday, my mom and I reported back to work. Lola was brought to her final resting place Saturday, January 25, 2013. The legacy of lola is in our hearts, and no matter how hard it is, we have to move on.
Life goes on.
Thank you lola for setting an example of love and dedication to me.
I know you are in the happiest place with Papa God.
