Insomnia attack is time for lots of thinking and feeling for Tets.

It's 2:17am and I'm still awake.

I have been like this since Papa died. I stay awake the whole night and sleep the whole day through. If it weren't for cousins staying for vacation, I won't even bother waking up until it's 6pm again.

It's 42 days already since Papa left us. And up until now, I still cry from time to time. Until when will I do this? How I wish I could mourn with my sister. Mama is so fragile I can't really tell her what I feel about losing Papa. She still cries every now and then. And it's my role to be the stronger one for us.

In yesterday's homily Fr. Tony talks about afflictions taken from the first reading:

We even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint... – Romans 5:3-5

And since Fr. Tony is the chaplain of Perpetual Help (the hospital), he shared some of his hospital experiences, and how he is inspired by the hope patients and even relatives hold dearly. And again I was teary eyed because it brought me back to my family's journey in the last few months. 

It was only hope and faith that got me through when I was witnessing my Papa's health deteriorate. You know, when you think you almost have nothing, you hold on to one thing that is above everything else, God. In the end, I surrendered and asked the grace to accept what I cannot change. The journey is painful, but it made me, Mama, and Candy stronger. It made me realize how short our life is and to value non material things. 

In another news, I know that I am bound to Qatar real soon. That's when and until I get that visa. Ugggh.. because it's taking quite a long time for that visa to come along, I feel like being in a limbo. For a person who's so used to multi tasking and now doing nothing, this is really heartbreaking. It is making me double think of my reasons and motives to work there. It is giving me lots of time to rethink, and even draft a plan b and c in my head. And knowing that I can really be impulsive, I might just have reasons not to leave after all. So please visa, come this week or I might just bid you goodbye too. I know loved ones will even be more happy.


Hay... Lord, bahala na po Kayo...may Your will be done. Amen.