On Waiting for God's Time

I went to work today a bit heavy hearted. In fact, I went to sleep feeling really sad. I had my heart set on accomplishing a goal this month. I wanted to attend Grad School, and Monday is the Admissions Deadline. For some reason, this personal goal has been pushed aside for almost three years now. I've been a busy girl doing whatever God leads me to do. Quite frankly, it has been a lot.

I have always been the kind of girl who does everything in her capacity to get whatever she wants. Naniniwala akong diskarte and susi sa tagumpay. But as Paolo Coelho said, "When you put your heart into something, if it's really for you, then the universe will conspire." I hear a sister's voice now, "Pray also sis that it is God's will for you."

When I made the follow up call for that last Admission requirement early this morning, I knew, this isn't the time yet (match with God's FB message):P How disappointing! I can just anticipate what my Papa will ask me yet again, "Why? What happened? When?"

So as sad as I maybe tonight, I know there's always the second sem. I get God's answer. I know that I'm really gonna be super Tets should I pursue this now. I know I am capable of juggling all my roles really, but God knows me better. God always does. For now then, I just thank you Lord for the thing that has yet to come, and I pray for the grace to understand the things I can't for now. Are there more work for You? Are there more fulfilled dreams? Then please give me the patience to wait with hope on what You have in stored for me. Make me listen Lord... because You know how stubborn I can get most of the time.

Your will be done Lord. Your will be done.

View from the Backstage

Nothing beats how God gets you to learn important lessons in life. In my case, a beautiful weekend spent in a simple venue amidst loving people was the plan. February 18-20, 2011 made me feel alive once again.

The International Conference is one event that all members of Singles for Christ look forward to. So when I was asked if I could be part of the production team for the 18th SFC Icon, I said yes without a blink of an eye. What a rare opportunity! Yes Lord, thank You! The thought made me really excited for months.

The excitement however waned a little bit, as I found myself still a bit idle weeks before the conference. As head of events in SFC Laguna, I was used to becoming a busy Martha, staying on top of every event. This time though, I am, as I would kiddingly tell my close friends, "aliping sagigilid," just waiting for whatever they could delegate me. It made me anxious.

Little did I know, God wanted me to relax for pre-Icon preps, because, my hands will be full for 3 days. That lesson came, as I walk alone in the city of Naga, Thursday morning, trying to find some place to sleep. The hour walk (with heavy baggage) kicked off the Icon for me and made me say, "This is it!"

There are lots of issues I needed to face during that moment of service. I had to conquer my insecurity and go beyond my comfort zone. Laguna has been such a comfortable place and the people a security blanket. As I literally went outside of my province, I needed to once again, to blend in. It was the first time that I really felt alone. But in that moment of feeling alone, God gave me new friends. All I needed to do is open my heart.

I learned to be more selfless. In saying yes to that call I know that I will sacrifice being with my fellow Laguenas. I will give up the bonding moment my sister and I usually do in Icon. I will have little time for myself to go and experience the Naga and Pili, Camarines Sur. I won't be able to have the luxury to search for good pasalubong or taste the delicacy of Cam Sur. In saying yes to that service I risk not getting the message of the conference.

I was wrong with that last statement. Surprise,surprise!

I got His crystal clear message during those 3-busy days, yes, behind the backstage:

Before anyone else, I should be getting His approval and not the approval of my directors, the production team, my province, or even myself. Always work, move, breath for God.

Things don't go as expected but by God's grace, you can always find another way out of it.

Even in the busiest situation, the Holy Spirit can and should always be there -- that differentiates us from people who haven't embraced the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

There's always a nice way to say things. Deliver your words well.

Respect is better than fear.

God wants me to have fun also while doing His work.

Pray,pray,pray.

"Thanks Tets, I know you are sacrificing a lot for this," said our director on the second day of the conference. All throughout the conference, I saw production numbers, listened to talks, view videos, all from the back of the stage, but yes, it was definitely worth it. So let me give back the honor to our magnificent God. Thank you Lord, for using me for Your glory. I love You! I hope I made You smile.

The greatest symbol of love is not the heart but the cross... because the heart stops beating but the man on the cross will never stop loving." Fr. Jojo, 18th SFC Icon

Full Circle

Yesterday’s birthday was different. For one, none of my plan materialized. Initially, we are supposedly having a double birthday celebration with my family in Tagaytay. But, but… circumstances dictate otherwise. Instead, I had a simple lunch out with my family, witnessed a nice wedding in the afternoon, and a coffee celebration in the evening with SCOM friends.

The day was indeed tricky. Naisip ko nga kung ano yung gustong ipahiwatig ni God sa akin. All in one day, God allowed my pasts to meet me, as if testing my heart. Quite proudly, I know I passed the test.

At 26, I am never too old to say I’ve learned all the lessons God has in stored for me. However, I am thankful to have learned a handful already. On December 11, 2010, I have come full circle. Wise enough to know that my past is a nice chapter in my life, the one that made me a better person now. My present is a rare state where I am exactly where I’m supposed to be -- blessed to have the opportunity to be used for God’s purpose in the community, a stronger family to back me up, a special person who loves me despite and in spite of the craziness of loving someone like me, treasured friends, and a promising career. So today, I’m saying hello to the future, as I thread towards another beautiful quarter of my life. I have yet to finalize the game plan, but, I am soo ready. Bring it on!!!

So,here are the lessons learned at 25.

1. Still, do not underestimate GOD. He knows how to surprise me BIG TIME! I love you so much God!
2. My family, no matter how weird they are, is the most lovable people on earth. Home is where the heart is indeed. No matter how long I stay away from it, there is a longing to be inside the simple, most of the time chaotic home of the Camingawans. I am blessed to have them
3. I have always something personal to share to people. Whether it’s a simple joke, a funny story, a warm smile, a hug, resources, talents, or faith, I have something worth it to share.
4. People are appreciative. You may not hear it outright from them, but they are. When you share a portion of you to people, both of you are never the same.
5. It’s a struggle to keep a relationship together. But, in this crazy world, where break ups are common and divorce is now the culture, one is blessed to make it to even two years.
6. It’s possible to form genuine friendship with exes. Yes, I am super friends with my 3 exes, knowing that because of them, I am the best partner now for my significant other.
7. I can never please everybody, and I won’t change for them. I love myself, I love the person that I have become, and maybe there are still rough edges that need polishing, but hey, I’m getting there.
8. True friends are those who can tell you REALITY without bringing you down.
9. It pays to save for the future, and it is never too late for me to start now.
10. Health is wealth. I was back at the hospital this year, but hopefully not again in the coming years. I want to live long to see and play with my grandchildren.
11. What they say about me is not even close to who I really am.
12. I have the capacity to make my dreams come true. Yeah… I have started living my dreams!!! Thank you Lord. The path to expanding my territory has begun.
13. Lastly, no matter how long my to do list is, it will always be GOD who has the last say. Being stubborn wont even get me to places, so I humbly learned to surrender, and when I learned that, its liberating!!!

I haven’t really had the time to think about my birthday wish. Like what my friends from SCOM said, I really had most of what I need, what more can a girl ask for? J You rock Papa God, You are the reason why, despite the not so perfect birthday, this celebrant is grateful.