Be better at this

So this blog I'm following by Ruth Soukop challenged me to overcome that one thing that's holding me back from pursuing the things I want. Well, I guess there's just too many of it? 

I'll zero in on writing/blogging for now, considering that I was really inspired by the feedback from my last guest post  on a friend's blog. 

I want to get better at writing. Back in college, I remembered one composition with all the red marks from the professor. He said all my ideas were great but the structure needs to be reviewed. And what's the best way to improve style and structure? Yes, practice. 

I'd be posting a short blog everyday (for 7 days) starting tomorrow. The goal is to get into the habit or writing, improve my writing style and yes, inspire in my own way (as if! :D) And if you are one of my friends who wants to start writing as well, I'd be more than happy to support. Be my guest blogger and let's grow together.

A whole new world

The last time I wrote here was about my desperate desire to go home. And I did, last March. My goals were clear -- rest and recover. I did have that well planned out. Pol and I enjoyed our mini honeymoon in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur in the first week of March. Me finding work is pushed to after three months.

But then April came in with a big news. We were actually pregnant.

Come again? Pregnant.

You gotta hear how we found out. On 1 April 2016, I was cleaning the house and saw the pregnancy kit given to me as a gift for my bridal shower. I didn't want to pull an April's fool joke on Papol of course (as that would be really cruel), but I guess the joke was on me. There were two lines (despite the second one being really faint). I informed my sister and she told me to wait it out. I informed my bestfriends, and they too were not so sure but were excited as well. I was after all, only expecting my period that same day. And so everyday, for 4 days, I tested. Oh, and it got clearer and clearer by the day. A visit to the OB confirmed everything. We were 5 weeks pregnant.

We told only a few people, mostly those whom would become our prayer warriors. With my diabetes and hypertension, getting pregnant is not to be taken lightly. My endocrinologist even discouraged me from getting pregnant this early. But who are we to say no to this beautiful gift? A sweet surprise indeed, and we will be forever grateful.

Except from house arrest, as diabetics are prone to miscarriage in the first trimester, my pregnancy journey is quite easy. No morning sickness, no headaches, not even cravings. Although I tend to be more "antukin."

My husband and I were amazed by how things were unfolding in front of us, at a fast pace too. The change was huge. We instantly became a single earning household (thank God my husband is a good provider), I became in charge of the house, and we had to make ends meet given this adjustment. I have to give credit to the husband who works two jobs to consistently provide for our day to day needs.  We were married for only 8 months and actually together as husband and wife for less than a month, and yes, this is quite overwhelming. We were standing up to our new found roles. From my end however, I went through a depression mode, even to the point of applying for jobs during my first trimester, only to be declined because I am pregnant. I still struggle from time to time. Having worked endlessly even before graduating from College, this is new to me. But my ever faithful husband never failed to remind me that our baby is our priority now and everything will be okay. Along with that, we also finished the Christian Life Program and became officially Couples for Christ.

Baby JP at 7 weeks

Baby bump at 12 weeks

Ultrasound at 18 weeks, baby is a-ok!

Me at 19 weeks

It is a lot to take really. A whole new world. On most days that I am alone, I try to think about God's purpose and as always, "His ways are not my ways" (Is. 55:8). It's humbling too, knowing that everything that is happening now is out of my hands. And once again, I am forced to just be still, take it all in, and wait for God's plan.

Please join me in praying for (still) a safe pregnancy until delivery. I guess my blog will now turn a new leaf as I write about my new journey. Keep you all posted.

God bless us all. 

Life won't wait.

At past 3am I have finished two romantic movies. Both on love and life.

I spend twelve hours at work, come home, spend some more hours working mails in between, and then watch a movie. Life,that is mine.

"Sometimes, life doesn't turn out the way you plan it," said Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping. For someone who just got married and now living away from the hubby to work abroad, life isn't near as the newlywed planned it.

And so in the middle of the report I was doing for my meeting later this morning, I re-think about life again. Most people would just say you can't have everything you want. I have come to realize though that I can't have all that I want, but I can choose the things that matter.

I kill my precious time worrying about the insignificant. The death of my dad has thought me that everything can change at a snap of a finger. It's terrible that I seem to have forgotten about it.  I go around like a headless chicken, not knowing where to go. Like a robot who does things -- the trivial kind.

In the middle of this desert I am reminded of the uncertainties, of life's impermanence.

Life won't wait for me. Time goes on. I must get my life back.

Secretly I pray for life to wait for me, even just for a little. February, wait for me.