For God can read a poker face.

So you raise your hand very high in worship.
Cry your heart out in praise.
Speak of God's mercies and deliver God's message.
You boast of missions accomplished, areas conquered, souls led.
Yet outside of the comfort zone, and the eyes of those who watch
You are just another name, with a fake smile, covering dirty acts.
Your perfume cannot hide the real  aroma

Of a despicable soul that is you.

For no matter how high you hold up your hand,

or how loud you raise your voice in praise

God always sees a genuine heart

         and reads a poker face.

On happiness and peace of mind

On June 2008, someone very close to my heart asked me what happiness and peace of mind is. During that time, I was mourning, grieving for losing the love of my life (or so I thought). Yet very clearly I recall answering him without a blink of an eye.

And since it was the age of technology, everything transpired via email. I happened to retrieve this from my Inbox.

Happiness is raising my hand, singing my heart out, and crying that overwhelmed cry, when I am one with God in worship.

Happiness is seeing Mama and Papa, making lambing, as if Candy and I were not around.

Happiness is being in the arms of the person I loved most.

Happiness is being with my brothers and sisters in SFC, the one who knows my beautiful and ugly side, yet loves me for me.

The thin line...

Peace of mind, is making the most painful and difficult decision yet sleeping beautifully at night, knowing that you made the right one.

Peace of mind is the security that you are loved, head to foot, no buts, no ifs, just you.

Happiness is the state of knowing that you did what is just and right, to the best of your capability.

Happiness is bliss from following your heart.

Love is the two, and all the other fruits of love combined, with the person who will love me more than forever.

Amen. :)


Gosh, I can't believe I wrote that almost three years ago, during the most painful part of my life. I feel the words stronger now more than ever. I thank the Holy Spirit for the wisdom to not only write it down, but believe the spirit of those letters.

May we all find our own true happiness ad peace of mind.

On Waiting for God's Time

I went to work today a bit heavy hearted. In fact, I went to sleep feeling really sad. I had my heart set on accomplishing a goal this month. I wanted to attend Grad School, and Monday is the Admissions Deadline. For some reason, this personal goal has been pushed aside for almost three years now. I've been a busy girl doing whatever God leads me to do. Quite frankly, it has been a lot.

I have always been the kind of girl who does everything in her capacity to get whatever she wants. Naniniwala akong diskarte and susi sa tagumpay. But as Paolo Coelho said, "When you put your heart into something, if it's really for you, then the universe will conspire." I hear a sister's voice now, "Pray also sis that it is God's will for you."

When I made the follow up call for that last Admission requirement early this morning, I knew, this isn't the time yet (match with God's FB message):P How disappointing! I can just anticipate what my Papa will ask me yet again, "Why? What happened? When?"

So as sad as I maybe tonight, I know there's always the second sem. I get God's answer. I know that I'm really gonna be super Tets should I pursue this now. I know I am capable of juggling all my roles really, but God knows me better. God always does. For now then, I just thank you Lord for the thing that has yet to come, and I pray for the grace to understand the things I can't for now. Are there more work for You? Are there more fulfilled dreams? Then please give me the patience to wait with hope on what You have in stored for me. Make me listen Lord... because You know how stubborn I can get most of the time.

Your will be done Lord. Your will be done.

View from the Backstage

Nothing beats how God gets you to learn important lessons in life. In my case, a beautiful weekend spent in a simple venue amidst loving people was the plan. February 18-20, 2011 made me feel alive once again.

The International Conference is one event that all members of Singles for Christ look forward to. So when I was asked if I could be part of the production team for the 18th SFC Icon, I said yes without a blink of an eye. What a rare opportunity! Yes Lord, thank You! The thought made me really excited for months.

The excitement however waned a little bit, as I found myself still a bit idle weeks before the conference. As head of events in SFC Laguna, I was used to becoming a busy Martha, staying on top of every event. This time though, I am, as I would kiddingly tell my close friends, "aliping sagigilid," just waiting for whatever they could delegate me. It made me anxious.

Little did I know, God wanted me to relax for pre-Icon preps, because, my hands will be full for 3 days. That lesson came, as I walk alone in the city of Naga, Thursday morning, trying to find some place to sleep. The hour walk (with heavy baggage) kicked off the Icon for me and made me say, "This is it!"

There are lots of issues I needed to face during that moment of service. I had to conquer my insecurity and go beyond my comfort zone. Laguna has been such a comfortable place and the people a security blanket. As I literally went outside of my province, I needed to once again, to blend in. It was the first time that I really felt alone. But in that moment of feeling alone, God gave me new friends. All I needed to do is open my heart.

I learned to be more selfless. In saying yes to that call I know that I will sacrifice being with my fellow Laguenas. I will give up the bonding moment my sister and I usually do in Icon. I will have little time for myself to go and experience the Naga and Pili, Camarines Sur. I won't be able to have the luxury to search for good pasalubong or taste the delicacy of Cam Sur. In saying yes to that service I risk not getting the message of the conference.

I was wrong with that last statement. Surprise,surprise!

I got His crystal clear message during those 3-busy days, yes, behind the backstage:

Before anyone else, I should be getting His approval and not the approval of my directors, the production team, my province, or even myself. Always work, move, breath for God.

Things don't go as expected but by God's grace, you can always find another way out of it.

Even in the busiest situation, the Holy Spirit can and should always be there -- that differentiates us from people who haven't embraced the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

There's always a nice way to say things. Deliver your words well.

Respect is better than fear.

God wants me to have fun also while doing His work.

Pray,pray,pray.

"Thanks Tets, I know you are sacrificing a lot for this," said our director on the second day of the conference. All throughout the conference, I saw production numbers, listened to talks, view videos, all from the back of the stage, but yes, it was definitely worth it. So let me give back the honor to our magnificent God. Thank you Lord, for using me for Your glory. I love You! I hope I made You smile.

The greatest symbol of love is not the heart but the cross... because the heart stops beating but the man on the cross will never stop loving." Fr. Jojo, 18th SFC Icon