Talking out loud

I’m just bored, so I wrote some of my frustrations in the hope that I could gain something out of it. Bummer. I realized that I have so many regrets… even unfinished business. Let’s see..

I could’ve been a singer, but I lost the passion for it.

Could’ve been a guitarist but after learning the chords of “line to heaven,” I thought I was already good.

I could’ve developed my painting skills but after Sailor Moon and one lost drawing competition, I graduated.

I could’ve been a child actress, but after one unsuccessful audition, I thought I wasn’t pretty enough.

Could’ve graduated in grade school and high school with honors but I like playing more than studying.

Could be getting better grades in college but I’m living up to the “Los delincuentes” label too much.

Could still be wearing small sizes if I didn’t let my appetite get the better of me.

Could be a writer if I am not too lazy brushing up my skills (plus I'm too careless!).

And umm… I could go on with this you know. But it would lead me nowhere lest I do something about it. My self-prognosis:

(1) Ningas-cogon. I don’t finish what I start. The interest is there at this moment and later, it’s not. I even have an unfinished cross-stitch project that dates back when I was still in Grade 5. Other than my project, that’s my very first attempt on that craft, and I never did finish it. Lazy. Need I say more?

(2) Cowardice. I am afraid of failure and rejection. I get burned easily. I am very conscious of what other people think of me (even if I constantly deny it). And, I don’t insist on something that’s not meant for me.

(3) Mediocrity. I settle for the average. “Pwede na ‘to.” I just don’t put my best effort in anything at all.




My alter ego talking:

Trying so many things is a good sign Tets, but don’t be fickle all the time. It’ll bring you nowhere. By dabbling and learning various activities, you are on your way to versatility. Finishing what needs to be done (like whatever project perhaps?) is your responsibility to yourself. Don’t you want to feel accomplished? I thought so too.

Rejection and failure shouldn’t be a threat. In fact, it should all the more motivate you to strive harder, to be better, to succeed. One failure, one mistake, is not the end of the world. The challenge is to learn from those mistakes and use it as your guide to becoming a better you. Face your fears. What the heck? If you want to go for something, go right ahead, lest you want to be a loser that you’re definitely not?

Nothing’s wrong with being average. But being the best isn’t being ambitious as well. Strive for something realistic. You know you’re capacities, your potentials, your edge. Channel your efforts in developing it all. Put all your strengths, your mind, and most of all your heart, in whatever it is you have to accomplish. That way, you wouldn’t be contemplating on the many could have’s like this. Stop being so insecure. It hinders your personal growth. You are unique. You are special. You’re the only Tets. Get it? And now that you are aware of this, please do soething about it! ASAP!

Lesson learned:
It’s not like I want the whole world to know how insecure I am. I’m pretty sure I have had my share of triumph. But you know, sometimes, like in this idle&lazy night when I should be sleeping but isn’t time, I think about this stuff. I just hope I’d have the guts to follow my own advice. The things I wrote may be trivial regrets, but I wouldn’t let myself commit one BIG regret anyway. So, Tets, better read this stuff all over again, and don’ stop til you get it -à oops, alter ego talking again.

I’m outta here.

And curiosity killed the cat

I thought I was really over him. Darn. I never did learn my lesson didn’t I? I was getting through the moving on process perfectly, and then one minnie distraction and I was shattered.

“Nobody told you to probe Tets.”

Curiosity killed the cat. In my case, curiosity shattered my badly broken heart for the third time. Worst? It was because of the same bastard.:(